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tez ilyas - world's worst centre back

It's back to one of our favourite Sunday afternoon pub conversations this week as we go searching for more terrible footballers for our all-time worst XI. This week, we fill the centre-back spot and there are a rogues gallery of misfits, cheats and actual criminals all jostling, badly, for the spot. Our guest is football fan, Blackburn Rovers fanatic and tremendous stand-up comic Tez Ilyas.

We discover the story of the farcical Combination League - a precursor to the Football League in the 1880s which lasted less than a season, how and why the Madagascan champions lost 149-0 and who exactly was a "bastard's bastard" during the 1970s.

Photo by Steve Ullathorne

 
 
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dana alexander - world's worst driver

Rev your engine, pop the clutch and do your very best not to stall on the start line as you help us uncover the worst drivers of all time with ace Canadian comic Dana Alexander. On the journey we meet hapless Formula 1 drivers, ancient Roman charioteers, racist bus drivers and uncover the secret tricks of Jamaican slave rebellions.

Photo from justthetonic.com

 
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jim smallman - world's worst wrestler

Can you smeeeeeeeell what the Foot is cooking?!?!

Join as we jump off the top rope, only to land awkwardly and give ourselves a hernia as we chat to comedian, idiot, relentless storyteller and top hole wrestling promoter Jim Smallman about the worst wrestlers of all time. As you might have noticed, this is our longest episode by far - once we opened up this Pandora's box it was impossible to stop exploring. In this episode you'll find stories about T-Rexes invading hospitals, far from holy conceptions and the staggeringly broad boundaries of taste that professional wrestlers are power-slammed over in the name of sports entertainment.

Photo from internationalcomedy.club

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JONNY SINGER - WORLD'S WORST SPORTING RULE

We're all offside and committing fouls after a false-start to Worst Foot Forward this week, throwing every bit of dissent we possibly can at the umpires as they outline the World's Worst Sporting Rules. With us we have Jonny Singer who, as an employee of the Marylebone Cricket Club or MCC, is one of the arbiters of the laws of cricket. He comes to us with plenty of full on mid-off silliness about lost balls. Barry talks about the Grand National that never was and when football would never end. And Ben has a complicated story involving goals in extra-time counting double and teams trying to score deliberate own-goals.

 

 
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ben mepsted - world's worst striker

Goooooooaaaaaalllllllll! For those of you expecting a podcast about the world’s worst takers of industrial action - sorry, this one is about football strikers. Joining us is the host of The Football Question podcast, Ben Mepsted, to help us find some of the most backwards forwards ever (and indeed, never) to find the net. As always there are some fun facts - what man has played international football in four decades, why Fabrizio Ravanelli makes an excellent masturbation aid, and what IS the best anagram of David Ginola? And there are some genuinely crazy stories including the tale of George Weah’s "cousin", the best Brazilian never to play football and one man’s mission to destroy Micronesia.

Photo by Rob Ewing

 
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Bryan lacey - world's worst mma fighter

Join us in the sweat-soaked, blood-stained Octagon as we don our fighting gloves, pop in our gum shields and tap out in under 10 seconds to a girl guide from Aberystwyth Primary School. It's time to find out who the worst mixed martial arts fighter of all time is in the company of comedian and commentator Bryan Lacey. The UFC franchise may only have been running since 1993, but this episode heads all the way back to Ancient Greece, from there taking in sumo wrestling mismatches, heartbreaking underdog stories and discovers which Street Fighter character would win in real life! Seconds out...let's get it on!

Photo from twitter.com